RE: ALL JOKES HERE!!!!!- official joke thread (Full Version)

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RE: ALL JOKES HERE!!!!!- official joke thread

  

EuroGoldLS -> RE: ALL JOKES HERE!!!!!- official joke thread (4/19/2008 10:08:45 PM)

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her
car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a
ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode
off.

The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let
out a 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding
hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station,
yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off.

'What did you do to get that Indian so excited?' asked the service-station
attendant.

'Nothing,' the woman answered. 'I merely sat behind him on the
horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I
wouldn't fall off.'

'Lady,' the attendant said, 'Indians don't use saddles.

  
EuroGoldLS -> RE: ALL JOKES HERE!!!!!- official joke thread (4/25/2008 11:57:34 AM)

A young boy of four was going into hospital to have his tonsils
removed. He told his playmate I'll be gone for awhile I have to have
surgery. On the day he was admitted his mother asked Dr. could you
please circumcise him while he is asleep.

The Dr. agreed. The boy woke up and was very sore down there for
several days.

After about a week he got to see his playmate again. The playmate
informed him that he was also going to have to have his tonsils out
soon. He asked him to tell him about the surgery.

The little boy replied 'all I can tell you is your tonsils ain't
where you think they are.'

Ambika -> RE: ALL JOKES HERE!!!!!- official joke thread (5/7/2008 12:38:19 PM)

So a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel jammed into the front of his pants. The bartender looks at him quizzically.

"Arr," the pirate says. "It's drivin' me nuts."

EuroGoldLS -> RE: ALL JOKES HERE!!!!!- official joke thread (5/9/2008 11:16:30 AM)

Haha thats pretty good! I like it! lol


One day, John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It
was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was just
about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son returned
home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.

"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting
home?", they asked. Several of us went to the library to work on an
extra credit project" said Tommy. The Robot then walked around the table
and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
"Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went
after school." "We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie."
"What did you watch?" asked Marsha. 'The Ten Commandments." answered
Tommy.

The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him
off his chair. With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I
am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."
"I'm ashamed of you Son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied
to my parents." The robot then walked around to John and delivered a
roundhouse right that nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in tears. "Boy, did you
ever ask for that one! And you can't be too mad with Tommy. After all,
He is your son!" The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha, and
slapped her three times.

EuroGoldLS -> RE: ALL JOKES HERE!!!!!- official joke thread (6/2/2008 6:11:32 AM)

Dear employee:

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for all department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future.

Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the next fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately. This program will be known as S.L.A.P. (Severance of Late-Aged Personnel).

Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company. SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place.

This review phase of the program will be called S.C.R.E.W. (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Elderly Workers).

All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management. This appeal is called S.H.A.F.T. (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).

Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate. If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get HE.R.P.E.S. (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment).

As H.E.R.P.E.S. and C.L.A.P. are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received H.E.R.P.E.S . ALTERNATIVELY, C.L.A.P. will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.

Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training employees through our: Special High Intensity Training ( S.H.I.T.).

We take pride in the amount of S.H.I.T . our employees receive. We have given our employees more S.H.I.T. than any company in this area. If any employee feels they do not receive enough S.H.I.T. on the job, see your immediate supervisor. Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the S.H.I.T. you can stand.

And, once again, thanks for all your years of loyal service with us!

The Management

fireman526 -> RE: ALL JOKES HERE!!!!!- official joke thread (6/2/2008 7:00:46 AM)

LOL, That was a great Joke, Im gonna email that one around to my friends and coworkers :)

ax7221 -> RE: ALL JOKES HERE!!!!!- official joke thread (6/2/2008 9:49:48 AM)

One night, Jay goes over to his co-worker Carl's house to play cards with a few friends and their wives.  Jay gets up to grab a beer from the fridge and Carl's wife follows him and says, "when we get back, look under the card table, you can have that tomorrow afternoon for $500."  When he gets back to the table he "drops" a chip on the floor and see's that Carl's wife isn't wearing panties.

The next day he comes over on his lunch break and takes care of business, leaving $500 on the night stand.  That night, Carl comes home and asks his wife if Jay came by today.  Shocked, the wife could only muster the truth, then Carl asked if he left $500, at this point his wife is flabbergasted and admits that Jay did leave $500, to which Carl replies "Good, I lent him that money just before lunch, he said he'd drop it off at the house."

Chas1955 -> RE: ALL JOKES HERE!!!!!- official joke thread (6/23/2008 7:57:41 AM)

[image]http://cdn3.youplusplus.com/bs/small.88133.jpg[/image]

EuroGoldLS -> RE: ALL JOKES HERE!!!!!- official joke thread (6/23/2008 8:24:31 AM)

I have that one as a bumper sticker on my myspace! I also have this one:[img]http://api.ning.com/files/WQzLUF11osoXIyVBcn7l077Wx3hBt09GrR92A-48yV4_/SaveTheWhale.jpg[/img]

87Moose -> RE: ALL JOKES HERE!!!!!- official joke thread (6/23/2008 10:01:49 AM)

One day, a woman was driving down the road, when she got pulled over by an Orange County Police Officer.

He walked up to the window and asked her, "Ma''am, do you know why I pulled you over?"

She replied, "Yes Sir.  You pulled me over to invite me to the Orange County Police Department Christmas Ball."

He fired back, "Ma''am, the Orange County Police Department doesn''t have balls. . . . ."

After he realized what he said, he climbed back in the car to the sound of her laughter without giving her a ticket.

  

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