RE: ALL JOKES HERE!!!!!- official joke thread
Login  | |
|
RE: ALL JOKES HERE!!!!!- official joke thread - 4/4/2008 4:42:57 PM
|
|
|
ehhget
Posts: 308
Joined: 1/22/2008
Status: offline
|
Masturbation is like procrastination, it feels good at first but then you realized you just ****ed yourself!
_____________________________
01 Silverado 5.3L 4X4
01 Camaro SS LS1 SLP
70 Nova SS 350
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
RE: ALL JOKES HERE!!!!!- official joke thread - 4/5/2008 3:33:48 PM
|
|
|
2tallcustomz
Posts: 81
Joined: 3/6/2008
Status: offline
|
A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That''s 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She begins to drool. The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder''s pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That''s 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She is aching for action at this point. Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door. He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?" She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"
|
|
|
|
|
RE: ALL JOKES HERE!!!!!- official joke thread - 4/7/2008 11:29:09 AM
|
|
|
2tallcustomz
Posts: 81
Joined: 3/6/2008
Status: offline
|
One day little Timmy walked into his parient's bedroom. He soon found his mom bent over the dresser and his dad going at her from behind.
The dad looked over at Timmy, winked, and gave a little giggle. Timmy walked out the room.
The next day the dad walks into Timmy's room, to see Timmy going at it with his grandma bent over the dresser.
The dad looks at Timmy and screams, "What the hell are you doing?"
Timmy says, "It's no so funny when it's YOUR mom, is it?"
|
|
|
|
|
RE: ALL JOKES HERE!!!!!- official joke thread - 4/7/2008 1:05:38 PM
|
|
|
EuroGoldLS
Posts: 1600
Joined: 7/12/2007
From: Princeton, NC, USA
Status: online
|
Ok man...lets try to stay away from the sexual jokes if we can. Even though they are funny!!! LMAO
_____________________________
VOTE for Ride Of The Month!!!
PM me for a custom sig or avatar!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: ALL JOKES HERE!!!!!- official joke thread - 4/7/2008 4:03:57 PM
|
|
|
2tallcustomz
Posts: 81
Joined: 3/6/2008
Status: offline
|
will do
|
|
|
|
|
RE: ALL JOKES HERE!!!!!- official joke thread - 4/8/2008 1:18:10 PM
|
|
|
2tallcustomz
Posts: 81
Joined: 3/6/2008
Status: offline
|
A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde," her mother replied. The next day, the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, pumpkin, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?" "No, it's because you're 25."
|
|
|
|
|
RE: ALL JOKES HERE!!!!!- official joke thread - 4/8/2008 4:42:54 PM
|
|
|
EuroGoldLS
Posts: 1600
Joined: 7/12/2007
From: Princeton, NC, USA
Status: online
|
LOL
At the end of the tax year the IRS office sent an
inspector to audit the books of a Synagogue. While he
was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and
said, 'I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you
do with the candle drippings?'
'Good question,' noted the Rabbi. 'We save them up and
send them back to the candle makers, and every now and
then they send us a free complete box of candles.'
'Oh,' replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that
his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he
went, in his obnoxious way: 'What about all these
bread wafer purchases? What do you do with the
crumbs?'
'Ah, yes,' replied the Rabbi, realizing that the
inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable
question. 'We collect them and send them back to the
manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a
free complete box of bread-wafers.'
'I see,' replied the auditor, thinking hard about how
he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. 'Well,
Rabbi,' he went on, 'what do you do with all the
leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you
perform?'
'Here, too, we do not waste,' answered the Rabbi.
'What we do is save all the foreskins and send them to
the tax office, and about once a year they send us a
complete d*ck.'
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.
'OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first.
A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'
To which the little girl replies,
'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh*t?
_____________________________
VOTE for Ride Of The Month!!!
PM me for a custom sig or avatar!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: ALL JOKES HERE!!!!!- official joke thread - 4/8/2008 6:01:39 PM
|
|
|
2tallcustomz
Posts: 81
Joined: 3/6/2008
Status: offline
|
lol
|
|
|
|
|
RE: ALL JOKES HERE!!!!!- official joke thread - 4/9/2008 8:12:34 PM
|
|
|
74chevy4life
Posts: 50
Joined: 1/1/2008
Status: offline
|
Hope this is a new one Enjoy
A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter.
The barman walks up and asks what's in the bag.
The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high and sets
him on the counter.
He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well.
He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano.
The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart! 'Where on earth did you get that?' says the barman.
The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the barman and says: 'Here. Rub it.'
So the barman rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him. 'I will grant you one wish. Just ! one wish ~ each person
is only allowed one wish!'
The barman gets really excited. Without hesitating he says, 'I want a million
bucks!'
A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another....Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks ... and they keep coming!
The barman turns to the man and says, 'Y'know, I think your genie's a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks.'
'Tell me about it!!' says the man, 'do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: ALL JOKES HERE!!!!!- official joke thread - 4/17/2008 6:09:44 PM
|
|
|
EuroGoldLS
Posts: 1600
Joined: 7/12/2007
From: Princeton, NC, USA
Status: online
|
Question
Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck?
Here is a little test that will help you decide.
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small
children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around
the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah,
raises the knife, and charges at you.
You are carrying a Glock 40 cal, and you are an expert shot. You have
mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Democrat's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on , could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1 ?
Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healt hier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to discuss with some friends over a latte and try to come to a consensus.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Republican's Answer:
BANG!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Redneck's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click . . .
(sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.
Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips
or Hollow Points?'
Son: 'You got him, Pop! Can I shoot the next one?'
Wife: 'You are not taking that to the taxidermist.'
_____________________________
VOTE for Ride Of The Month!!!
PM me for a custom sig or avatar!
|
|
|
|
 Today's Posts
Most Active Topics
Make A Donation
Forum Rules & FAQ
RSS Feeds
Chevy Prices
Chevy Forums
Monte Carlo
Corvette
Camaro
Advertising Info
| Ride of the Month |
|---|
| May 2008 |  | | 1972 Corvette Convertible |
|
Contact Us |
Advertising |
Automotive Directory |
Archive |
About Us |
Link To Us |
Chevy Links |
Legal |
Privacy Policy |
© Chevrolet Forum
Chevrolet Forum .com is not affiliated with or endorsed by Chevrolet Motors Division or General Motors.
|
Printable Version
