ALL JOKES HERE!!!!!- official joke thread - Page 2

A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde," her mother replied. The next day, the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, pumpkin, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?" "No, it's because you're 25."

LOL

At the end of the tax year the IRS office sent an
inspector to audit the books of a Synagogue. While he
was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and
said, 'I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you
do with the candle drippings?'

'Good question,' noted the Rabbi. 'We save them up and
send them back to the candle makers, and every now and
then they send us a free complete box of candles.'

'Oh,' replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that
his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he
went, in his obnoxious way: 'What about all these
bread wafer purchases? What do you do with the
crumbs?'

'Ah, yes,' replied the Rabbi, realizing that the
inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable
question. 'We collect them and send them back to the
manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a
free complete box of bread-wafers.'


'I see,' replied the auditor, thinking hard about how
he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. 'Well,
Rabbi,' he went on, 'what do you do with all the
leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you
perform?'

'Here, too, we do not waste,' answered the Rabbi.

'What we do is save all the foreskins and send them to
the tax office, and about once a year they send us a
complete d*ck.'








A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.

'OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first.

A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'
To which the little girl replies,

'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh*t?

lol

Hope this is a new one Enjoy
 
A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter.
The barman walks up and asks what's in the bag.
The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high and sets
him on the counter.